How I got into wrestling or, if it was a fic: “The two times wrestling presented itself to me and I turned it down, and the one time I didn’t”.

1: Boy Meets World 1995 – (Vader)

Boy Meets World was my happy place. It was silly nonsense, but it was enjoyable. I wanted to be best friends with Topanga and possibly date Shawn (depending on whether or not he was in his poetry stage). Basically, I wanted to be Cory. Although if I was Cory, I would’ve made more of an effort to befriend Harley, Frankie and Joey, because they were adorable. Also: TK.

I digress.

Boy Meets World had several episodes featuring Vader as Frankie’s father. Because this got to me early, it is still my personal head-cannon that Vader is actually Ethan Suplee’s dad. No amount of evidence to the contrary will make me believe otherwise. (The My Name is Earl commentary – “that’s Ethan’s dad” – Me: “LIES!”)

Also, Vader’s appearance gave us this quote:

“My father is not a poet. He is a professional wrestler, villain category, with the World Wrestling Federation.”

However, wasn’t that fussed. Kind of liked Vader, but not enough to get interested in wrestling.

This was a mistake.

Also, I need to buy this

2: Ex Boyfriend – 2001 (Triple H)

In the first few months of my relationship with my ex, we went into town and purchased some DVDs. I bought Final Destination, he bought something WWE-related. It had a green cover, a cage match and plenty of blood. Fairly sure Triple H was the draw of that match, remember a lot of big blonde guys bleeding a lot. Then again, for all I know, it could’ve been Edge and Christian. If it is, I’m really fucking sorry.

In our tiny bedroom, I would occasionally glance up at the TV, but was mostly involved in a book. We had a conversation that went something like this:

Ex: Why aren’t you watching?

Me: Too bloody.

Ex: You’re a horror fan.

Me: I know, but that’s fake blood. This is just gross. It doesn’t achieve anything, it’s just… blood. Everywhere. For no reason. Who would do that to themselves?

Ex: It’s all fake, you know.

Me: Even more reason for me to stick to my movies then. This is just bollocks.

Given that I’m now pretty much addicted to CZW, this conversation was also a mistake. Every month on payday, SmartMark Video stands there, eyeing me appraisingly, with a hand out, ready for me to buy some CZW PPVs.

3: Husband – 2010 (Kofi Kingston)

I came home from a work function, and oddly Kim didn’t come in for a brew after. Craig, the husband, was watching wrestling. He’d been watching since the previous Christmas, when his sister had left it on in the background, allegedly to appease the kids who were addicted, but she later confided that she still loved it.

Since that Christmas, Craig had been watching religiously. He was working from home and liked something on in the background as he worked. Between Raw, Smackdown, Superstars and NXT, he was pretty well covered for something to watch. He was also desperate for someone to talk wrestling to. He had taken to calling his friend, Paul, to update him, despite Paul’s very vocal protests that he didn’t care. Paul, in response, had taken to blocking Craig’s calls.

I was planning on going to bed straight away, but instead decided to sit down and watch a match. To force a sense of caring, I picked someone to win. “The guy with the dreadlocks, I want him to win,” I said to Craig.

“Kofi? He can’t buy a win at the moment,” Craig replied.

Kofi won.

And I was hooked.

Then Edge appeared.

My type generally speaking is tall, long hair, with loads of tattoos. (That’s almost the exact opposite of my husband. Something he has pointed out to me repeatedly.)

When the episode finished, I turned to Craig. “Where’s the rest?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re always watching wrestling. Where’s the rest? I want to see it now!”

If we hadn’t already been engaged, I’m pretty sure Craig would have proposed on the spot.